I live like a prisoner and despite many personal achievements have been denied to reach my potential by the cruel control and manipulation of the woman who gave birth to me. At first the mistreatment manifested itself as anxiety and depression and now my body attacks itself with painful immobility, rashes, and exhaustion. I am struggling everyday as a young woman with early onset rheumatoid arthritis. This disease exacerbates with the stress of growing up hated, neglected, and psychologically traumatized by my parents since I was born and which continues today.
I have always strived to please my parents who are immigrants and lack skills necessary to get by without my constant help. Despite my efforts which include raising my two younger siblings I am called useless. The hypocrisy is maddening. To the world they cultivate appearing as perfect parents but the reality is they are the opposite. Perhaps these entries may destroy the house of lies and free me someday.
Chasing love I will never receive amid unceasing disapproval and sabotage I am barely living. I have learned to express myself as an abstract painter and until now it was the only outlet to express and expunge my emotion as a way of therapy. If I fail to endure I want this blog to be a true account of the trauma inflicted upon me during my life.